special?

ignore the title. i ran out of ideas lately. so i figured out that title that doesn't suit the topic is interesting in some ways. hehe

i dnt know y, the pic is there. ahahha suka hati la.

btw, that is how my universty 'konon'  look like. colourful. i know haha.

i was confused when my mum called just now. we talked about  certain things that i dnt know how to act. what to do or answer.  haishh. yeaa bei did called too. yesterday was his birthday and he got this free calls. suchh a sweetie to call me instead of his gf which he dont really own one.

i actually wanted to post this poem i found it  it interesting. its from my old blog from f.ster  so here it is:

U KNOW NOTHING

You don’t know me.
You think you do.
As you watch me,
doing my every move.
But you don’t know me,
You don’t know me at all.
You think my smiles
Mean something special,
But you are wrong.
My smiles
Are just hiding,
My broken personality.
You think my glares
Mean I hate you,
But you are wrong.
My glares just show that I don’t understand you.
You think I’m wrong
Because I lie,
And I cheat,
And I hurt you.
But look a little deeper,
Just try and find,
The real me.

p/s = yaz, dont u think this poem suits u? hehehe

Mereka

its 3.30a.m. i cant sleep and i dont know y.

im bored. im missing my late night outings. haihhh i should get over it, i know. i know.

it's hard. 

ba and mak are making it even harder for me. to be back before 10?? whutthaa. they even call me to check whether im home or not. this is so not working for me. 

i understand that they are trying their very best to be a good parent. come on, im 19 and i know what's good and bad. 

in penang, im allowed to be back late. see, i hate this part.  they have this unbrilliant thoughts of KL which they think that lepaking after 10, even if im in colloge is very very very very unsafe.

and as the only daughter, to listen to what they say is a strictly YES YES!

NO! NO! NO!. however, they're not here to spy on me. hehehe

A Peek at Chuck Bass

Current song playing on iPod: “Guilt By Association” by Louis XIV
Current Book on the nightstand: Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss
Ideal Vacation Destination: Turks and Caico
Childhood Crush: Catherine Deneuve
Favorite Afterschool Activity: Drinking at The Palace
Favorite School Subject: French (the language of love)
Favorite Website: New York Times
Favorite Food: Foie Gras
Favorite Video Game: Assassin’s Creed
Favorite Magazine: GQ
Favorite Reality Show: The Girls Next Door
Phone of Choice: Motorola Q
Dream Job: Future CEO of Bass Industries. Don’t you just love nepotism?


Lives with: dad, Bart, a NYC real estate tycoon and fellow womanizer
Likes: Scotch, limos, hotel suites, the Knicks, sushi, parties, jetsetting, silk pajamas, New York Philharmonic, bottle service, fedoras
Dislikes: Subway/public transportation, bubble gum, cheap wine, paper plates and plastic utensils, any borough but Manhattan
Best Friend: Nate Archibald
Girlfriend: prefers not to be tied down
Favorite fashion accessory: his signature scarf
Favorite places in New York: Madison Square Garden, The Palace Hotel, Beatrice Inn, the Frick Collection, Cornelia Day Resort, the Carousel in Central Park
Favorite Music: T. Rex, The Stooges, Mark Ronson, Sex Pistols, M.I.A., The Velvet Underground, Tokyo Police Club, Louis XIV, Interpol
Favorite Authors: Marquis de Sade, Christopher Marlowe, Anthony Burgess, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Neil Strauss, Oscar Wilde
Favorite Movies: Crimes and Misdemeanors, Battle Royale, Boogie Nights, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, Requiem for a Dream, Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead, Cries and Whispers
Favorite designers: Paul Smith, Comme de Garcon, THECAST, Marc Jacobs, Ted Baker
Favorite TV Shows: The Wire, Dexter, South Park, Little Britain, MTV Cribs, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Mad Men, Nip/Tuck, The Tudors
Heroes: the greatest businessman of all time, Hugh Hefner
Motto: “I am Chuck Bass”

7 days left

these few days are driving me crazy. today reminds me that im left with another 7 days untill im back in Shah Alam. i am not happy and to be back in a week are making my life miserable. my everyday moods sucks. i'll be extremely happy on one day, and i'll be moody on another day. and i have no idea why.

alright enough said. today was an okay day. nothing happened this morning. but yesterday was good. my mum bought this new grill machine. as usual, i was experimenting the machine...and at one point i got so frustrated when the machine suddenly stop working. the result was remarkable, the chicken were marvelous. and we decided to grill some of those chicken plus some meat and etc this saturday when my parents are not around. i might call ed and anis. it'll be fun. sumpah x sabar. hahah

just now, yesterday to be exact. kak rina called me for dinner together. she wants to see abg mer badly that i decided for us to eat somewhere near their house which was totaly a stupid idea. my intention was to meet eman and i did. but sadly, kak rina left frustratingly. i felt bad for her, as i was the one who suggested the idea at the first place.

i guess thats all. nothing much to write. the mood to blog is no longer available. adios!

screw me!

fuck fuck fuck. ahh..only bad words are coming out from my mouth. i feel stupid, unhappy and so many other unpleasant moods. there's too many things to think. too many things to do. there's just too many. huh! however it's not a sigh of relief .

Im not home almost every night. During the day, yes. But not at night. I can’t stand being home at night even for one day but I do sacrifice my weekends to be with my family. yea.. they do matters to me.

Just now, I went out with ed and Kaha. They have these brilliant thoughts that you would never expect from a 19 and a 20 year old. They talk about business and some life experience and it did motivate me. It did. But something else was on my mind. I wasn’t actually concentrating on whatever topic they’re talking. What I did was, I nod my head and agree with whatever they says.

I actually miss him so much. I finally have to admit this. I want to meet him so badly but I just can’t. what is so wrong with me. I don’t even know it myself. Fuck my mind, fuck my heart.

p/s sorry for the FUCK

stars and moon?

i love my hometown. nothing can compare the feeling when im here. its not just about the people, its about the calmness and freedom i have here. everyday and every second means alot to me, expecially when im with my friends and family. they bring out the best in me as if i am someone important to them. it matters when people say i mean alot to them, because they mean alot to me too. 

you know, sometimes i have to admit, that there are times when i feel so alone. i know i have always been supporting people who are single and to move on being single is the best thing that could happened. i lied. i've seen too many relationships fall apart, and im scared to be part of it. people suiciding, running away from home,  doing things against the religion.... im scared that i might do it one day. i am seriously.

to be honest, i have crush on too many people. i wont mention who they are. =DD . i mean i like them, but i dont love them to be exact. but there is this one person who had stole my heart once upon a time, and sadly he's not the one. kindda irony, i know. take it ,that way then hehe.

mak and ba will be going to Bandung on the 12th. as usual, i have to baby sit my baby syer. hehe i just need to be home alone for a while. i miss the home alone feeling.  just imagine. being home alone, with a car and some money. hahah what else can be better. sumpah x sabar.

i miss DB. hahah tiba2 kan. i have not see him for quite some time. but at least i saw his mom last 2 days. hehe. hish dats all 4 today. im tired due to the karokeing with ed, kaha, kak rina and abg mer and also exercising at 1 in the morning. pelik, i know.

adios and sayonara. =D