kadang2 mcm terfikir, asal hidup mcm ni. why is there ups and downs in life? why can i be extremely happy today, and extremely sad on the next day. cant it be rainbows and butterflies je ke everyday. he's right. life must be balance. im trying to save some cash this month. probably joining the gym with our dearest new house mate vina.

sometimes kan, tak faham dgn perempuan yg tak reti bahasa. why do you have to menggatal still. have ur own life n jgn kacau hidup org. ur such a hypocrite. if you think you're that beautiful, gi lah masuk miss world. kalau rasa diri tu mmg sesuai nak jadi model, baru kau upload gamb tag segala jantan yg kau nak. i've had enough of you. and imma show you, what the fuck you should be!

dead

lagi satu dugaan pulak datang. i am crushed. so heartbroken that i feel like running away from everything. sabar sebahagian dari iman kan. =).

i am dying inside. i really am. haihh.

i wish.

sometimes, i wish to have a decent conversation with you. sometimes i wish we could talk and discuss things without fighting. i wish we could clear things up without you getting mad and choose to run away. i wish you could take things positively and try to accept other's opinions. its heart breaking to remember about your past. its killing me to hear you making fun of your past while my heart cries and hoping for you to just STOP and tell me how you love what you have now.how i wish you realized how much u meant to me. i love to talk. i love to ask. sometimes stupid questions. i know. just answer will you? the reason is because i wanna know you better. i wanna understand you better. i wanna love you more. this is me. i love you.

aduh!

20kgs!!! get the FUCK OFFFF!

gud morningg!!!

after so long, i really feel like blogging right now. something is so wrong. something is not right. there's so many things to do. i actually miss him. he's ignorance is driving me crazy, he's lying. he's not replying my texts, my calls. td pown tercall, and b4 that boleh ckp crdt habis. you dont have to lie. somehow, i will find out jgak. what is wrong with you when you're in Penang? its like ur in ur own world. i dont mind you spending time with your family, seriously. i don't mind if you can't call me. cant u at least text me and say u love me too? satu text satu hari. susah ka? if ur busy, then tell me, im not going to bother you. sedih la. i dont know how to hide this feeling anymore. brownies pown hangus, btol lah org ckp, if you wanna do something, do it with love. that was the only ingredient missing in my recipe. nak hang out pown, duit kna jimat. nak kerja, mcm2 la halangan. dah kna sumpahan ke apa...i cant sleep. babi btol, dah brapa hari tdo lewat cm gni. please let tomorrow be a better day. pleassseeee. = ='

why the hell are you treating me like this. i never treated you this way! =(

wohoo

its 4.30 and im still awake. well, tunggu nak sahur je nih. well not to eat actually, i dont wanna miss my subuh prayer. i promise him that i'll start praying, and so do him.

so many things had change since , im not sure when =p

but, what im sure is its a good one.

i miss the food in png,

my family,

and KAPITANN.

ok, dah mereppek. bye.

the beauty of islam. =)

Kecantikan Lelaki

Kecantikan seorang lelaki bukan kepada rupa fizikal tetapi pada murni
rohani. Lelaki yang cantik adalah:-

1) Lelaki yang mampu mengalirkan air mata untuk ingatan

2) Lelaki yang sedia menerima segala teguran

3) Lelaki yang memberi madu, setelah menerima racun

4) Lelaki yang tenang dan lapang dada

5) Lelaki yang baik sangka

6) Lelaki yang tak pernah putus asa

Kecantikan lelaki berdiri di atas kemuliaan hati. Seluruh kecantikan Yang ada pada Nabi Muhammad adalah kecantikan yang sempurna seorang lelaki..

Kegagahan Wanita

Kegagahan seorang w anita bukan kepada pejal otot badan, tetapi pada kekuatan perasaan. Perempuan yang gagah adalah:-

1) Perempuan yang tahan menerima sebuah kehilangan

2) Perempuan yang tidak takut pada kemiskinan

3) Perempuan yang tabah menanggung kerinduan setelah ditinggalkan

4) Perempuan yang tidak meminta-minta agar di penuhi segala keinginan.

Kegagahan perempuan berdiri di atas teguh iman. Seluruh kegagahan yang ada
pada Khadijah adalah kegagahan sempurna bagi seorang perempuan.

Sabda Rasulullah SAW:

“Sebarkanlah ajaranku walaupun satu ayat ” Surah Al-Ahzab : Ayat 71 “Nescaya Allah memperbaiki bagimu amalan-amalanmu dan mengampuni bagimu dosa-dosamu. Dan barangsiapa mentaati Allah dan Rasul-Nya, maka sesungguhnya ia telah mendapat kemenangan yang besar.”

Wallahualam

*****Orang yg baik adalah org yg pernah melakukan kesalahan & belajar dari kesalahan itu untuk menjadi org yg lebih baik….**** *

=)

its been a while since i blog. introducing poloroid baru yaz. i love it. =)

change?

life has never been easy for me. I wish things were not the same. I wish I could change the past of what I regreted doing the most. What ive become is what I deserve? Really? I want to change my life but how? No one can change me except for myself. Really? I’m not happy, im stressful, im regretting all the shits I’ve done but yet im still doing it. Why? I don’t have all the answers but where can I find the answers? By Praying? Is that the answer to all ? so why am I still not doing it.

it was about 3 days ago. wan's wedding to be exact. eman came up with the idea of me sleeping at ira's place so that on the day we dont have to come all the way to sungai petani.

so 11.30pm, they came and picked me up. of course mak and ba were not happy. reason: its too late, and the're worried because its a long journey. about 12.30 arrived at ira's sister's somewhere in juru. the house was ermm very uncomfortable. seriously. its very very dirty and hot. bukan nk berlagak or complain. but at least cleanup. sumpah nak minum pown x lalu. i was very thirsty, tp sanggup tahan sampai esok gi beli kt petrol station. sampai macam tu skali.

so bla bla bla...ikut ira g make up n everything, so sampai la masjid around 3. i promised eman to wear tudung. so...

he looked at me and tears just came out. "sejuk hati tgk b pakai tudung. d nak cium dahi boleh"

what more can i say. kisslahhh. hehehe he keep on looking at me. it was the best moment. seriously. =)

then we went to the beach, took few pictures. balik rumah. arrive png at 1.am =D

hmm..

"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive?

Love is everything it’s cracked up to be. That’s why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don’t risk anything, you risk even more."

PENING!

am i TALL ? am i that TALL..or guys nowadays are short?

SERIOUSLY, is there anything to make you shorter or perhaps smaller boobs?

ada ka? huh.

strawberry chocolate tart.

so, i was wondering wat to do with the strawberries. so i thought of doing tarts. well it turns out not to cantik haha. tp rasa tuh not bad.

saki baki strawberries tuh, i dipped it with chocolate. sumpah sedap. hehe. =D

fitness =)

ok, still gemuk. i know. i know im obsessed about losing weight.
i still remember kata2 org yg mcm sial pukimak tu. sakit hati ni. although benda dah lama. panass sungguh.

although gym nih x la secanggih mana...tpkan tpkan. hahah...tipu la kalau ckp x pandang mamat2 yg badan ketul2. lemahh lemahh!..hahah. nasib dah berbf. anyways, dah register degree. kwn2....saya dah nk dekat sampai! =p

yeay yeay. haha

im okay. i am. =)

bak kata ed," tgk aya bercinta, baik tgk monyet bercinta"
hahaha =p

well, i have dis prob with eman. we looovveee to fight.
fight about something we shouldn't
and he's good at saying things that i dont want to hear.
perhaps others dont want to hear. kan yaz? =)

i'm tired of fighting. i am. sumpah x tahan. kadang2 rasa mcm
"biar single senang. takda org kacau hidup. aman damai sentosa bahagia hidup. haha"
tp, tetiba bila tgk org lain, rindu dh pulak. perangai mcm celaka kan. haihh

so yesterday, dah mcm x thn. i called him. so we spent about 2 hours maki hamun each other.
some of the words were

pukimak
celaka
anak haram..
kurang ajar
babi
fuck u ...etc

hahaha. buruk benar perangai dua2 ekoq. but i must say, legaaaaaa kot.
terkeluar smua yg terpendam. so another 30 minutes we talked about how deeply in love we are..hahahah

i went out with him today. tgk salamon kane. i thought it was a hindi movie. konon sebut salomon kann ne . haha. but menarik jugak, we took the premier class. seat sedap nk mati.
pas tuh mkn biskut tepi pantai. konon budget comellaa. anyway, i had fun. sampai gym pon x pegi. haihhh! and btw, eman ckp ok to lose weight. yeay yeay =)

sakit =)

"asal b nih. lebih2, GILA" then he hung up the phone

i baked a chocolate cake for him.
"yg x mau. simpan je lah dlm fridge"

" kalau b tada pown syg x rugi apa pown. b bukan ada apa. ramai lagi prompuan yang nak kt yang, tp sebab sayang punya pasal yg x leh nk tggl b"

how should i react to that?
should i just keep my mouth shut and let the heart cry?
should i ignore him and wait till he come and find me?
????

i dont know what else to do. right now im doing everything by myself. i watched movie alone. i went to the gym alone. i drive alone at night... to be honest, i've nevel felt free like this. i spent maximum 5 hours in the gym. hah! see.

hmmm everything happens for a reason kan. sabar sarah. =)

tolong la bf.

i just came back from a fight with the bf, its 4 in the morning for god's sake.
well here's the thing. i swear to god i do love him, but as time goes by im getting tired. tired of watever he wants me to be which im totally NOT.

first, he does not want me to lose weight.
i've never felt the feeling of being thin and i want to look good. well its for me. i really really want to lose this fat.
he said that, im wasting money for the gym membership, he is so scared of what im wearing that others (guys especially) might find what im wearing too revealing.come onnnn, since when i became SEXY? aduhhh.. and yeaa, if im thin and preety, guys will be looking at me and he hates it. huh?

second, he hates me going out without him.
sometimes, i wanna have fun too. for him, if i wanna have fun, then have fun with him.
teringin kot. last 2 days, he's not here. so, i called ed and we went for karaoke. he was so pissed because as usual, PEREMPUAN! x elok....

third, he so badly wants me to wear tudung.
my goddddd!!!! sumpah i'll definitely wear one day. but for the mean time give me the time to just be me. i wont fake myself. i need to enjoy my 20's. seriously.

4th, he keep on repeating that he's worried i might be 'WILD' in KL.
kalau nak jahat, lama dah aku jadi jahat kot. pening ok.
niat, to go there and continue my studies...niat tu yg penting btol x?

nak pakai cantik2 dia x suka.
so what the hell does he wnts from me??

and i know, some might said im such an idiot to stick with him till now. but i know he wants the best for me and he care bout me too much that makes him worries more...but be reasonable. respect my needs and i'll respect his. dah malas nk pk. ahhh mampos kau sarah. dah kena sumpahannnn!

baliklaaaa

its fucking late right now. i am so pissed offffffff!

yaz cepat dtg. i need u!

korangg dtg la jugak. she n elle balik cni!!!

reunion Ggl 06

the reunion was supposed to be held in feringghi, but due to the very bad traffic somewhere along waterfall, because of thaipusam, the reunion party was canceled. everyone was so ready, and suddenly one of my fren texted shaz that the reunion pary was canceled. mcm babi gak lah dah semngat nk pi. however, ktorg yg ada contact num of each other, plan and plan. and we atlast end up in QUEENSBAY =)

fyi, the one in the middle, Zaiton is already married. anak dia. sumpah comel...and she's the same age as me. 

from left, nishi, shila, najwa, parveen, nazihah, fazz, zaiton, hayati, shaz and me.

although i had fun, mcm2 jd that night, had a fight with eman. i came back at 5 in the morning, ba dah selak pintu. i couldnt enter the house. slept at mamamir's. i woke up and went late to work. sblm tu, nk buka pintu, kunci sangkut patah...rite now, im afraid to go out. takut nk jumpa mak n ba after what i did. they're nt talking to me...haihh..i wish i could tell them how sorry i am.

anyways, it was fun meeting with the girls again.

i neeD

esok cuti because its friday yaw! anyways, im not sensing any happy mood tomorrow since there's no plans except for the reunion party in sunset. i've neve been there, so im looking forward to go and see how the place looks like..

and yea, im quiting my job. sunday is my last day, but im not quite sure weather it should be good news or otherwise. i was planning on spending the whole one month working out plus taking nutrimeal, but if i continue working, i'll get some money plus excuse to go out late nite. hah, im gonna stop thinking bout lying and all the shits im doing. enough of it.

well it actually happened after bei nizal came to me and warned about ba n mak might be folowing me. dont u think dats too much. aduhh thank u beinizal. THANK U.

i need to go shopping with the gurls.

i need to fucking lose weight

i need facials

i need bei to go watch movies

i need my bf to share the love =p

i need yaz to tell her everything

i seriously need to rest.

god, give me good life until i die. aminn.

tiramisu sunday? hehe

hell lowww everyone.

well, rite now i am working in 7e. thats the nearest and easiest place to work. i've been working for almost a month + BUT satu haram jadah sen pown x dpt lagi. sumpah dowh, never work in 7e. i now actually realize how easy to get money from teaching. aunty maziah a.k.a mak yaz hehe was rite though...haihh. so tiba2 decide to jadi a lecturer mayb. heheh

im basically broke rite now. bgantung duit kat mak and bf...thank god. lama gila x shopping. akhir bulan, facial, gym and shopping. MESTI.

haihhh..life here is getting better, i mean, dah bnyak benda plan, dis sunday, mayb picnic with the guys. im baking tiramisu people. hehe no more chocolate cakes. planning by the beach, tp ntahla...br dlm perbincangan.

so td, i went shopping with eman the bf, nisha the chef, and kaha.. time tuh yg tetiba plan nk bwat picnic...masa shopping, whatever i mention, mcm whoaaa dark chocolate, dia angkat masuk dlm bakul. bapaklahh sweet. im just happy for him...

esok keje pagi, so i better get some rest now, pictures, nant ye people.

org2 yg tgh rindu sy, im missing u guys too. have fun tanpa saya. =)